The Mind of Game
There she was again. As I looked to my left, she was sitting there cross-legged, playing with her phone. Her eyes fixed on the screen as she gently swipes her finger across it and the phone willingly bends to her will. Her light-brown skin was as radiant as ever but, then again, when wasn’t she radiant?
As I sat, waiting for my always exciting Literature class to begin, I was once again transfixed by her. I didn’t know what to do so I continued to absentmindedly tap away at my netbook sitting before me. I tried to concentrate on the screen in front of me and whatever was currently being presented on it. Some website pertaining to computer parts or something. I didn’t know and I didn’t much care either. All I could think about was the girl sitting to my left.
I looked up once again from my netbook and looked to my left and saw her, sitting in the same position she had been moments prior. Not that I’d been expecting anything different, it was just reassuring to know that she was still there, still playing with her cell phone, caressed ever so softly by her supple fingers whose fingernails were a soft pink color, finely manicured and tipped with white. Her hazel eyes still fixed on her phone and a contented expression on her face.
Oh how I envied that phone.
My eyes fell from her to the well-worn bluish carpet specked with white beneath my feet. I wanted so desperately to talk to her but couldn’t work up the nerve. My body commonly ignored orders from my brain that involved doing things that scared the shit out of me. I’d like to think that any woman would be lucky to have me but my hubris was not that prominent and that alpha-male, chauvinistic mentality was lost upon me. Instead, I was a guy who considered himself somewhat attractive but lacked the confidence in my appearance and ability to maintain a decent conversation to act upon it.
I looked up again. Two fat women now occupied two of the seats in the diagonal line of sight directly between me and the girl whom I can’t seem to get out of my mind. My inability to see her did nothing to diminish the thoughts of her that currently ran through my mind. I was still thinking of her, sitting in her long, wool coat, dark brown suede boots that were almost long enough to reach her knees, dark blue jeans and burgundy turtleneck sweater. I could still see her, just not with my eyes. My mind’s eye was more than enough at this point.
Nonetheless, the presence of the two fat women perturbed me rather greatly, as they were sitting between the girl of my dreams and I. Making the seemingly insurmountable mountain that much higher and more difficult to climb. But, I guess I shouldn’t be too angry with them. Perhaps this is for the best. Maybe now I’ll be able to concentrate on the classroom discussion that lies before me. Maybe I’ll be able to work up the courage to speak with her in that time. I go back to my little netbook and continue to browse the web to occupy myself in the few minutes that remained until the Professor arrived.
The Professor arrived minutes later, just in time for the 11:35 class to begin, time to put away my netbook and pull out my notebook and all-too-thick textbook and get down to business. As I did this, my thoughts once again wandered to the girl on my left. This was inevitable. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, even if I wanted to. I looked up once again.
“Oh right, I can’t see her anymore,” I thought scornfully, looking at the two fat women who were still blocking my line of sight to the girl on my left. “Do they not understand what they’re doing to me?”
“Geez, now I’m going crazy.” I thought, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose, rapping my pen on my notebook. “I need to relax…” Then another thought occurred to me. “Maybe I can get one last glance which will put my mind at ease.”
I leaned forward in my seat and craned my neck, trying as hard as I could to make this look natural. There she was, sitting there, pen in hand, twirling it around and waiting for the class to begin, as I should’ve been. I sat back in my seat and relaxed. I knew she was there before I looked, of course, but seeing is believing, as they say. The Professor called the classroom to order and I began to start concentrating on the lecture.
Roughly one, somewhat boring hour later, the class was over and everyone was packing their things into their bags, backpacks and purses and leaving. This was my chance. I had to talk to her now or I never would. I was nervous, as expected, when I jumped up and started cramming things haphazardly into my black messenger bag. My notebook, handouts, textbook, and pens were all thrown into the main pocket of my bag. I didn’t care. I had to leave, quickly.
I flung my black pea coat about my shoulders, threw my arms into the sleeves, pulled on my hat and grabbed my bag by its handle and turned around. The girl was gone.
“Dammit.” I said under my breath.
I walked out of the classroom slowly and sullenly, having missed my chance and feeling deflated.
“Damn,” I thought. “My best chance to talk to her and I blew it.”
I continued walking down the hall towards the entranceway. There was nothing more to do but go home, I figured.
I walked out into the chilly, winter air and pulled out my keys as I walked to my car. I couldn’t stop beating myself up for not talking to her. It was bright and sunny that day, almost as if the ideal conditions were being created for me to talk with the girl of my dreams but since I hadn’t, the sun could have gone and hid behind the clouds for the rest of the day for all I cared at that moment.
I was so close too.
I opened the back door of the car and dropped my messenger bag in the back seat, closed the door and got into the car and started the car and checked the mirror before putting the car into reverse to back out of my parking spot.
“You might want to put your seatbelt on first.”